ERIC’S SONGBOOK

"The Heart of the Matter" - Don Henley from "The Age of Innocence" (1989)

I got the call today, I didn’t wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin’ on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love’s open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I’m thinkin’ about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don’t love me anymore
Even if you don’t love me anymore

Tomorrow will be a start of a new chapter in my life, a new beginning in a brand new place.  Tabula rasa.  At this point, I am truly grateful to the Lord for showing me the way, my mom and kid brother who are always so supportive, and my good friends who have shown empathy and concern in the past few months.

Okay, so what I have learned in the past seven years?  To be honest, I did learn a lot.  Seven significant learnings.  They are as follows:

1. Never make the mistake of working for and with your former teachers.  If you think that they are terrorists in the classroom, wait until you get to know them in the workplace.  They could be much worse than you think.  To be fair, not all of them are load-grabbing, backstabbing individuals (you will be surprised that you are the topic for lunch if you were there in the office just to use the computer), a rare bunch will always be true and pleasant to deal with.  However, there will still be exceptions to the rule.  After years of working with them, it will make you want to demand back every hard-earned penny (every single cent) your parents used to send you to school.  You will feel like a jackass in the end for believing every word they said, from teaching you to pray when you were a kid (I worked for my former Christian Living and Physics teachers for a year you know?) to explaining the "dynamics" of the exchange rate (As economists, they are wonderful utility maximizers).  When your work, career and future are at stake, they are there to make decisions for you without your knowledge and consent and you will be the last to know since to their eyes, you are still a student even though you have been around for almost a decade playing the game.  Kasalanan ko rin kasi, di kasi ako tsismoso.  I hate tsismis.  You will never be too old enough to be taken seriously.  Oh, did I tell you that they will be the first to laugh at your miserable condition when you are just telling everyone that you are just trying your best?  It is a vicious struggle.  They even have the uncanny capability of embarrassing you in front of your own faculty members:  So much for teaching me good manners and right conduct.  Since you have joined their ranks, not only are you seen by them as their former student but also part of the competition, so all the "market" forces will connive and be in motion to eliminate you out of the game.  Sooner or later, it will be a reality TV show from hell since the system has a built-in automatic eject mechanism. 
2. Never love your work to the point that you are miserable.  If you do, you will find yourself in a marriage you want to get out of ASAP.  Okay, so I have been too dedicated to my work to the extent that the fruits of my hard labor will then be ceded to the Communist Party.  Patty Smyth was correct when she belted "Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough" in 1992.  Okay, so seven Outstanding Teaching Evaluations with a record high of 4.8195 out of 5.0000 from teaching QUATECH will never be enough.  God, I would love to trade those Outstanding Evaluations for 7 #1 singles in the Billboard Hot 100 as a producer or songwriter or artist or seven Academy Award nominations for "Travails of a Poor Schoolteacher".  Frankly speaking, Robin Williams‘ portrayal of a professor in Dead Poets Society is nothing compared to my lifestory.  Being an Outstanding Administrator will not do too.  Remember that in real life, it is just work.  You do it to survive.  Doing it for passion is pointless and useless.  All heroes end up 6 feet below the ground.  Well, I was in my early 20s.  Now that I have realized that it had me stuck in a rut, it is time to switch strategies while I still can.  In the process of loving your work, you lose yourself.  You will lose the idea of living your dream.  So go for it while you still can. 
3. Learn to fight back and question authority.  In a place where they have the right to use and abuse you (being asked to run an office with no identity for two more years with no faculty and staff is the most absurd idea of all), I think it is human nature to cry foul.  However, our society’s norms forbid us to do so.  They are there to squeeze every drop of life from you but you have no right to yelp, to cry, to plead mercy, to say "Ouch!".  In the poorest countries in Africa, if you leave your car on the road in the evening, by dawn it will be cannibalized to the very last piece: from the steering wheel to the cigarette lighter.  The same thing goes for the human soul in real life.  In the end, they will laugh and poke fun at your miserable condition but you have no right to cry.  You have no right to complain.  You have no right to be hurt.  I just learned how to fight back and question authority in the last minute, when four new avenues in my life just opened.
4. Never show people that you are capable and able beyond their expectations.  As a corollary to #3 above, it is natural for people to expect more and more and more.  People are insatiable utility maximizers.  In the end, you have nothing else to give, nothing else to offer.  You will be left with an unrecognizable form of yourself since the irreparable damage has been done.  Go find your limit (See, I told you that Calculus has real life applications).
5. Learn to read signs.  People tell you that they appreciate your work but their actions indicate otherwise.  They pat you in the back for a job well done but they beat the crap  outta you.  If the red carpet leads you out, make a mad dash for it while you still can.  You will find yourself to have the makings of a great triathlete.  Remember that the world is big, you need not be too shortsighted and narrowminded. 
6. There is no such thing as loyalty.  Recall that Jesus was not even accepted by Jews in His time.  If studying from Prep to Ph.D. in the same institution will not do the trick, I don’t know what else will.  Who knows?  I just might find myself grazing in greener pastures under bluer skies in the future. 
7. There are no mistakes, just lessons to be learned.  The world is the biggest classroom of all.  Learn from your past, the future is bright.  There is always a reason why things happen. 

No Mistakes - Patty Smyth (1992)

The summer is gone I can’t believe
It went so fast
Why do only the cold and lonely times
Seem to last
Now it’s late at night I watch you
Sleepin, I wanna wake you up
And tell you I’m sorry, though I know
I can’t make it up
I made my mistakes now baby
But I did the best I could
It takes what it takes and sometimes
It takes longer than it should
To just live the kind of life that
We both have been dreaming of
There are No Mistakes in love

There are No Mistakes now baby
We did the best we could
It takes what it takes and sometimes
And sometimes it’s so hard to understand
And just take the changes that we all
Have been dreaming of
There are No Mistakes in love
There are No Mistakes in love
Oh there are No Mistakes in love…