ERIC’S SONGBOOK

Aside from the songs I post at the end of each blog entry, all things I write about are my unedited takes on my so-called life.  Seldom do I post poems written by other people but getting stuck in Glorietta last Wednesday due to the torrid rainfall, I came across this exquisitely beautiful poem in a store called Papemelroti. 

Though I don’t have a child yet, I was able to understand this poem from a point of view of a child who has lost a parent.  Being the extremely independent person that I am, I realized that I did most of the things below by myself.  Though cheesy as it may sound, you’ll never know how much I would give just to go back in time and enjoy my childhood just a little more, just a little longer.

To My Child

Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face, and laugh when I feel like crying.

It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask Him for nothing, except one more day…

-Author Unknown

Other people will be the first to judge you without even knowing you.  It is sad but true.  There are a lot of people in this world who have the canny ability to say things before even thinking of what repercussions these words may cause others.  Unfortunately, I had to deal with such people almost everyday in my life.  In this life, everyone is just busy seeing the world through their own lenses.  Have you ever lost a parent to cancer?  Have you ever stayed in an unstable job for the longest time?  Have you ever tried stripping yourself of happiness in the belief that things will be better?  Have you ever wished for something you will never have in this lifetime?  Have you ever tried keeping things together despite the fact that you’re only you?

Making the right choices may never mean getting the right results, most especially in the eyes of others.  Luckily, I have three real good friends who know how my life has been (it may not be a paperback, but it is still a good read). 

I should’ve known better to trust people easily.  This is one lesson in life that I have learned as early as 5 years of age.  Never bring too much bubblegum in the playground.  Kids would just ravage them up leaving you with nothing right before your eyes.  All I needed to learn, I learned from kindergarten.  As a grown up, recently, I have been surrounded by people who lash words at me like they have known you since forever.  Even as a youngster, this is the reason why I detest large social gatherings.  I am much better off centered and intimate with a few friends rather than be pretentious in a large crowd trying to outdo and outwit each other in all aspects of life.  In the steady headiness of existence, I always sense that everyone wants to flaunt their achievements but they are too afraid to show their scars they gained in the process.   Life can be cruel at times, people you meet have the right to hurt you but you are never given the privilege to be hurt at all, even the slightest iota of it. 

Even the noisiest rock bands have made sense out of life 16 years before I have made sense out of this through writing about it.  One of the pioneers of thrash metal and one of the most successful commercial rock acts of recent years, Metallica proved to be prophetic, serving as harbingers as they blatantly cry Sad But True.  At the end of the day, it is only you who has got your back.

Sad But True - Metallica (1991)

Hey
I’m your life
I’m the one who takes you there
Hey
I’m your life
I’m the one who cares
They
They betray
I’m your only true friend now
They
They’ll betray
I’m forever there

Sad But True

Everyone has a story to tell. If you would only spare anyone a fraction of your time, you will be amazed with all the things one needs to go through just to survive. These are just some of the food for thought I always tell myself. From your everyday pedicab driver to the most affluent businessman, they have a story to tell. The author of one’s life is the most underrated and unappreciated writer of all. My life is one paperback. It is no bestseller, no Stephen King, nor is it a contemporary children’s fiction ala J.K. Rowling but I’m glad that God has given me the chance to be its author.

Janine Rosales, my best friend who now resides in Canada, just flew in to give Manila a visit. We met in Glorietta last Tuesday and I gave her a tour of Ayala Center. If memory serves me right, the last time we saw each other was in 2001, my graduating term in college. We had lunch at Wendy’s, ate dessert at Dairy Queen, watched Ratatouille (a must-see for any kid at heart), and had coffee in Gloria Jean’s. I received Annie Lennox’s 1992 CD from her as a pasalubong. It is one album I have been looking for the longest time. That same day, I was able to get Live’s “Throwing Copper”
and Nirvana’s “In Utero” from Music One. Janine, just like me, is pursuing a career in education in the Land of the Maple Trees. I am so glad to do some catching up with a good friend. We have been best buddies since I was 13, I was in 7th grade and she was a Junior in high school. If it weren’t for that abysmal bus service we had back then, I guess our paths wouldn’t cross at all. Her arrival in Manila was so timely, just when I was so down and out, here comes a good friend to cheer you up and keep you company. Words can not express how much comfort it brings to a hurting and weary soul.

Speaking of career in education, I just heard news that the school will be renewing my contract for another year, which will be hopefully my last year of probation. Though I honestly have mixed feelings over this, I’m glad that the school is still interested in my services. On the downside, I’m not getting any younger and technically I’m still a contractual employee. Sometimes, I wonder what my life would’ve been like if I have entered the corporate world instead. By now, my retirement benefits are already on its countdown to maturity. Buti na lang, I started paying for my pension plan and insurance plan when I was 23 and 26 respectively. I’m beginning to think of jumping to the industry side while I am still in my 20s. It is hard to start a career in the corporate world once you have reached your 30s and your work ethic and value systems have already been firmly established by experience. For one thing, I want to make teaching as my form of recreation and not as my bread and butter anymore. I like the action in the classroom. Honestly put, it is one of those places in the world where I forget myself most especially when I enjoy the topic that I am teaching. I find and devise ways to make Calculus interesting and it is challenging and fun. Right now, all I can do is wait for Signs just like Mel Gibson in the M. Night Shyamalan film. If I were to really follow my heart, I always wanted a career in writing for Billboard and/or Rolling Stone magazines as a teenager since I love music so much. Music has always been my first love. Mathematics just played second fiddle all this time. I guess finding myself nowadays has been more difficult than ever.

This week, I am planning to meet Janine before she leaves for Canada. On Saturday, I will accompany Lina to see Rush Hour 3. Right now, if it weren’t for the company of good friends cheering me up, I guess I have no story at all to tell. When I still had hopes of entering the music business, I made a demo tape of my voice singing this song hoping to get a record deal. I guess when you’re 20 and naive, nothing can dampen your spirit. How I wish I could be that same person over again.

You’ve Got A Friend - Carole King / James Taylor (1971)

When you’re down and troubled
And you need some loving care
And nothing, nothing is going right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I’ll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there
You’ve got a friend