ERIC’S SONGBOOK

It takes the absence of the "self" to make one happy.  This is one philosophy that I have learned lately.  Yesterday, I got hold news from my kid brother that he finally found work in Powerbooks Alabang Town Center which is so near our home.  I am so happy for and proud of him.  Words are not enough to express how happy I am knowing that he will be starting this Wednesday.  Now, it gives me another reason to visit the store at least once a week.  My kid brother is so lucky to see that the crates of the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows have arrived already.  Not bad for a soon to be 21-year-old who will become a part of history as armadas of kids and adolescents troop to bookstores eager to know the fate of Harry and his friends.  I am due to get my copy on Saturday, July 21st, in the same store where he will be working! 

The moment I received the news, all it took was the absence of myself to make me happy.  Lately, I was wallowing in my own self-pity and sadness but it dissipates once you are truly happy for someone .  And it feels great!  I guess I’m just trying to be an ideal big brother.  I know I am not perfect but I’m capable of making amends.  In those moments when my ego is absent, it felt like life was a whole lot better.   Again, my life may not be perfect but I like it the way it is.  When I was a little kid, I always wished for a bigger family.  But when dad died, there is just too much room for everyone else in this so-called life of mine.  For one thing, as a kid, I didn’t know how it feels like to be spoiled, I am independent and self-sufficient most of the time which surprisingly are traits that I still carry with me to this very day.  As a kid, I learned to do well and to be nice to others but not to expect the same in return.  Eventually, this led me to believe that I answer my own prayers most of the time. 

For the past few weeks, I may be my usual perky self in work and in school but deep down inside I am really down and out.  Though I may show a sheepish smile and greet and agreeably nod to people, I am just not the same energetic person I was.  Now, I think I am a striking balance of realistic and idealistic. But thank God for an answered prayer, it seems like life is getting better by the day.  When God closes a door, He opens a window.  The breeze just blew in. 

Two cute little kittens are now a part of our family. 

This next song saved my soul when I was nineteen, a time in my life that I would rather forget from start to finish.  It is only now that I realized how powerful the title of this song is despite the metaphors embedded in the rest of the lyrics.

Thank U - Alanis Morissette (1998)

How about getting off of these antibiotics
How about stopping eating when I’m filled up
How about them transparent dangling carrots
How about that ever elusive kudo

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

How about me not blaming you for everything
How about me enjoying the moment for once
How about how good it feels to finally forgive you
How about grieving it all one at a time

Thank you India
Thank you providence
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you nothingness
Thank you clarity
Thank you thank you silence