ERIC’S SONGBOOK

I take pride on being a mama’s boy.  For most guys, it would be something they would be ashamed of, if not, hide.  It took me 7 years to have a kid brother, so basically, I was alone throughout the formative years of my life.  I learned how to be independent most of the time as a kid.  At the age of 3, our family from Makati to down south, where in the former, we had a lot of neighbors while in the latter, I had the sandbox to play with.  I guess I carried this until now where I am most productive when I am alone with my thoughts. 

Going back to being a mama’s boy, I learned how to read and write at the age of 3 because of my mom.  She nurtured my love for reading at a very early age.  She would read me fairy tales and we would collect the Well-Loved Tales series from New Age Bookstore and Bookmark.  In nursery and kindergarten, my grouchy teacher (and school owner who takes delight in pinching noisy kids if I remember right) asked me to read some passages from the Nativity in the Holy Bible for the Christmas program.  My mom even put powder on my hair and had me wear fake glasses and sit on a rocking chair to make me look like a grandfather reading tales of Christmas to his grandchildren (who were my classmates) in Christmas Eve.  As for my teacher, she is never really an amicable sight for toddlers.  To be brutally honest, she reminds me of a witch.  She really needs to brush up with her Child Psychology, I really think Freud oughta school her more.  And in second grade, my homeroom teacher asked us to write a paragraph using the Spelling Words learned in English class.  When I transferred to De La Salle Zobel for Prep, I can really remember that I suffered separation anxiety.  When the bell rings, it is time for everyone to fall in line and leave their parents by the gate.  I would cry so badly that I would even refuse to enter the classroom with a bad case of hiccups from the crying.  I would always gaze out the classroom window just to check that my mom is there, even the sight of the car brings me relief that she is there.  Around lunch time, we would have Slurpee and Hotdogs in 7-Eleven in BF Homes.  At the age of 8, I was able to write a phrase, "children whose teeth are chattering" in order to describe children frolicking by the pool.  I don’t think a typical 2nd grader has the word "chattering" in his vocabulary.  I got my first ovation for a written report at that age, when I landed in the class’ Top 10 at #7, with my name there on top of the orange tree…being one of the oranges.  Thanks to my mom for being one of my first teachers, the best of the lot actually.

Yesterday, my mom celebrated her 58th birthday.  I took her and my brother out for dinner at North Park in Alabang Town Center.  As per her request, we ordered the Sweet and Sour Fish Fillet, Yang Chow, Beef with Mushrooms and Yang Chow.  After that, I treated them to a movie starring Michael Douglas and Eva Longoria in the politically-inspired The Sentinel.  Yesterday was truly one of the best celebrations we had as a family.  A few days before, I bought her a silver plated ring from Rustan’s and a new oven toaster from Shopwise. 

To my mom, I love you very much and I always take pride on being your baby boy.  May God bless you with more birthdays to come!  Ma, this song is for you…

A Song For Mama - Boyz II Men

You taught me everything
And everything you’ve given me
I always keep it inside
You’re the driving force in my life, yeah
There isn’t anything
Or anyone I can be
And it just wouldn’t feel right
If I didn’t have you by my side
You were there for me to love and care for me
When skies were grey
Whenever I was down
You were always there to comfort me
And no one else can be what you have been to me
You’ll always be you always will be the girl
In my life for all times

Chorus:
Mama, mama you know I love you
Oh you know I love you
Mama, mama you’re the queen of my heart
Your love is like
Tears from the stars
Mama, I just want you to know
Lovin’ you is like food to my soul
You’re always down for me
Have always been around for me even when I was bad
You showed me right from my wrong
Yes you did
And you took up for me
When everyone was downin’ me
You always did understand
You gave me strength to go on
There was so many times
Looking back when I was so afraid
And then you come to me
And say to me I can face anything
And no one else can do
What you have done for me
You’ll always be
You will always be the girl in my life
Chorus

Life, at times, can be so unpredictable.  This gives everyone a reason to live each day and seize the opportunities that come along his way.  A few days ago, I was waiting for the summer term to start.  My COMCALC M73 class was in danger of being dissolved only to find out today that I was able to enlist 17 students.  I have no problem in terms of student enrollment in my first class, COMCALC M71, since there were 15 students before the summer term started.  I am toiling hard this summer to make ends meet.  I just hope that God will bless me with the strength to pursue this endeavor.  I taught 3 COMCALC classes in 2005 following the old syllabus, now I have to beef up my lessons with more technical economic concepts.  A day before the summer classes started, Dr. Michael Alba, the Dean of the College of Business & Economics summoned me to his office.  My current superior even told me to see him the day before that.  Butterflies started fluttering their wings inside my stomach.  Anxiously, I rushed to school on my last day of vacation expecting the big words such as "memo-ed" or "fired" or "demoted" or "retrenched".  I always tell myself to hope for the best and expect the worst.  I seldom get any good news in my life without pushing my hard work to the limits.  Then, I was informed that I will be spearheading the Interdisciplinary Business Studies (IBS) Office for next term.  It was so sudden, I don’t even know how to react or feel at that moment.  Technically, I was at a loss for words.  I don’t even know if it is a good thing or a bad thing.  Though I would like to believe that I am up for the challenge, but there is a part of me that doubts my preparedness for this gargantuan responsibility.  Last Thursday and Friday, the Council of Chairs conducted its workshop in Lipa, Batangas.  Curiously, I tried my best to participate in the discussion, but the cat really got my tongue.  I don’t know what to say, or even what to share in most of the issues they were discussing.  It feels like I was groping in the dark all throughout the workshop.  In the medieval times, think of a pauper being fed to the lions in gladiator games.  From the outside eye, it seems like everything is picture perfect, but that is just the tip of the iceberg.  Being the head of an office, I believe that I have to scratch the surface of things and smoothen it.  I really have mixed emotions over this: fear, excitement, apprehension, curiosity, anxiety, thankful, yet delighted.  On top of all these things, I am bound to take my Ph.D in Business this coming 1st Term.  Life is indeed…unpredictable, making it worth the ride.

Speaking of Unpredictable, I went to Alabang Town Center just this afternoon.  To my surprise and as a reward for a job well done, I bought Jamie Foxx’s sophomore effort, Unpredictable.  It is funny how the destiny reveals itself in simple things.

Unpredictable - Jamie Foxx featuring Ludacris

Yeah ladies I know you tired of the same old thing
Things have become so mundane
I mean your bedroom is so cold, so cold but I’m here to tell you
I got a strategy we bout to heat it up (oh I like that)

Girl get comfortable we bout to do something you never done before (done before)
Baby not the usually tonight we gettin unpredictable
So tryyy… So tryyy to roll wit me baby (baby)
I’m a make you feel like you never felt
Girl all because you let me get unpredictable

Summer classes are about to begin pretty soon and as always, good things (rest days) must come to an end.  Life goes on.  The Manila Bulletin’s headlines today read: 31.5M return to work today.  At least, I am not counted in that hefty figure since summer classes will start on Thursday.  I hope that I was able to recharge my batteries as I prepare myself for the onslaught of the summer term and the coming school year.  I hope everything will be fine.  I never really had a carefree vacation ever since 2002.  It was only now that I realized that taking a vacation, even if home-based, drains money from the pockets.  How much more it would cost me if I have spent it someplace else?  A big chunk of my finances all went to consumables: food, water, house supplies, gasoline, etc.  Working makes me feel that I am putting money in my pocket rather than taking money from it.  Yeah, summer time is meant to for fun and relaxation but I’d rather work.  Next month, I’ll be paying my pension plan premiums and I am thinking of going back to school to start my Ph.D. in Business.  Gosh, I am almost 30 and I never had the chance to see Mickey Mouse even in Hong Kong Disneyland.  Farthest I’ve been to the North: Baguio; to the South: Sorsogon.  Yup, seven years of working and all I produced are: a measly savings account, a pension plan with Prudential Life and an insurance plan with ManuLife.  My passport expired last year and I didn’t even have the time to renew it.  All my plans of teaching abroad are marred with rejected applications.  Believe me, I tried applying over 100 Universities in the U.S., Canada, Australia and New Zealand for a teaching position.  I felt little impulse in opening any more letters from these schools in fear of anthrax!  I don’t want to end up like my father who never had the slightest chance of enjoying the fruits of his hard work when he passed away.  I do remember that he had little time for us.  Work became his life.  Come Sundays, he would rather sleep and rest at home rather than take us outside and have fun.  On rare Sundays, we would go out but that happens only once in a blue moon.  That’s why I make it a point that I lessen bringing work-related stuff at home.  Home is meant for quality family time. My current dilemma right now is that I don’t want to push myself that hard like I did years before…everything became a burden to me when I did–my studies, working, and life in general.  Well, I will just take it one step at a time.  And to everyone in the working class, I dedicate this song…

A Deeper Love - C & C Music Factory

(Pride) a deeper love
(Pride) a deeper love
(Pride) a deeper love
Woah woah woah woah
(Pride) a deeper love
(Pride) a deeper love
(Pride) a deeper love
Woah woah woah woah
People let me tell you I work hard every day
I get up out of bed, I put on my clothes
‘Cause I’ve got bills to pay
Now it ain’t easy but I don’t need no help
I’ve got a strong will to survive
I’ve got a deeper love, deeper love
Deeper love inside and I call it
Pride (a deeper love)
Pride - a deeper love
(Pride) a deeper love
Woah woah woah woah
It’s the (pride) power that gives you
The (pride) strength to survive
(Pride - a deeper love)
(Woah woah woah woah)
Yeah ooh yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Now I’ve got love in my heart, it gives me the strength
To make it through the day
Pride and love (pride is) oh respect for yourself
And that’s why I’m not looking for
Handouts, charity, welfare, I don’t need
Stealin’, killin’, not my feelin’
No backstabbin’, greedy grabbin’
Lyin’, cheatin’ ’cause I’ve got a
Deeper love, a deeper love
A deeper love inside, I I yeah yeah
I’ve got a deeper love (deeper), a deeper love (deeper)
Deeper love inside, whoa
(Pride) a deeper love
(Pride) a deeper love
(Pride - a deeper) love
Woah woah (woah woah)
It’s the (pride) power that gives you
The (pride) strength to survive
(Pride - a deeper love)
(Woah woah woah woah)
And I wanna thank you for helping me see
There’s a power that lives deep inside of me
Give me the strength (give me the strength)
To carry on (to carry on), always be strong
Whoa oh oh oh whoa
(Pride) a deeper love
(Pride) a deeper love
(Pride) a deeper love
(Woah woah woah woah)
People let me tell ya I work hard every day
I get up outta bed, put on my clothes
‘Cause I-I-I-I-I got bills to pay
And it ain’t easy, it ain’t easy
It ain’t easy, it ain’t easy
It ain’t easy yeah, oh oh
I’ve got a deeper love, a deeper love
A deeper love inside
I’ve got a deeper love (deeper), a deeper love (deeper)
A deeper love inside
(Pride) a deeper love
(Pride) a deeper love
(Pride) a deeper love
Woah woah woah woah
It’s the (pride) power that gives you
The (pride) strength to survive
(Pride - a deeper love) woah yeah
(Woah woah woah woah)
(Pride) a deeper love
(Pride) a deeper love
(Pride) a deeper love
(Woah woah woah woah) hey hay yeah
(It’s the (pride) power that gives you)
The (pride) strength to survive
(Pride) ow ow ow ow (a deeper love)
(Woah woah woah woah) woah
(Pride) a deeper love
(Pride) a deeper love
(Pride) a deeper love
(Woah woah woah woah)
(It’s the (pride) power that gives) you
The (pride) strength to survive
(Pride) ow ow ow ow ow ow (a deeper love)
(Woah woah woah woah) oh

Thank you very much to everyone who took some precious time to greet me yesterday.  I really appreciate them a lot.  Below is a run-down on how my birthdays were in the past few years.  Some of these were excerpts from my journal.

April 7, 2006–I spent the entire morning checking some of the QUATECH Final Examinations.  Mama made some spaghetti for lunch while I ordered a Blueberry Cheesecake from Red Ribbon.  After eating, we watched the VCD of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe, which hit the stores in April 5.  We heard mass in St. Jerome in the evening and bought some groceries from Makati Supermarket.  I treated myself to some kick-ass pop music when I bought Pink’s new CD, I Am Not Dead.  Mama, Dondon and I had dinner in Cafe Breton.  Funny thing was I served as a panelist in a thesis the day before which concerns Cafe Breton…

April 7, 2005–My first birthday without my Dad.  Mama and I went to Robinson’s Galleria in the morning.  I bought some clothes (shirts, belt) for myself and a CD of Hot!, a Various Artist compilation from MusicPlus.  We went to Pag-Ibig in Quezon City later in the afternoon to get the death benefit check.  After that, we went to school to get the Final Examinations of my COMCALC classes and fetched my kid brother.  We all went to Rockwell that evening and ate dinner at Burgoo.  In Rockwell’s O, I chanced upon a Limited Edition of Mariah Carey’s The Emancipation of Mimi featuring the hit single "It’s Like That".  The album hit the Philippine shores 5 days ahead of its international release date.

April 7, 2004 (Holy Wednesday)–One of the saddest birthdays of my life.  Everyone at home has no plans of going out so I took the liberty of going to Glorietta all by myself.  I left the house frustrated and fuming.  Alone, I ate lunch in Chili’s in Greenbelt and watched an art film called "No News From God", starring Penelope Cruz, in Glorietta 4.  In Astrovision, I was able to get a VCD of Shakira’s concert in Rotterdam called "Live and Off The Record".  I used the gift cheques I won from PinoyExchange to buy myself some shirts in the newly renovated SM Makati.

April 7, 2003–This day will go down in history as one of my birthdays when I was really feeling bad as I recover from a bad cold due to stress from work.  Mama, Dondon and I ate dinner at Don Henrico’s in Festival.  I treated myself to Busta Rhymes’ new CD pressed in the E.U., It Ain’t Safe No More for P580 in Tower Alabang.  To my dismay, the local BMG company released the same album for P450… Rats!  We caught the last full show of the scifi flick, The Core, in ATC.

April 7, 2002–Mama, Dondon and I went to SM Southmall and did some window shopping.  We ate in Pizza Hut for dinner and while they settled to catch Wesley Snipes in Blade II, I had no other recourse but to watch goddamn Britney Spears in that awful Crossroads since I have seen the former.  I remember that there were no good movies at all, 10 cinemas and I have seen everything (except the local ones of course)…and will someone teach ‘nakngbaka Britney Spears to act?!?!?!?!  I should have seen Blade II again…

April 7, 2001–I remember spending the first few minutes reminscing my past birthdays.  Eventually started as sad since I missed my mom so badly as she was spending some days in the home of the owner of Goldilocks hoping to get a job as a manager in one of their branches in the US.  The day before, I was also busy applying as a teacher in De La Salle Zobel.  Around lunch time, papa dropped me, Auntie Bot, Malou and Dondon in Festival to have lunch in Don Henrico’s.  We eventually watched a movie called "The Gift", though I have seen it the week before.  That afternoon, I rushed to Glorietta 4 to meet my friends–Paul, Kristine, Mitch and Rony.  I received a CD of Boyz II Men’s The Ballad Collection as a birthday gift.  We caught a Penshoppe summer fashion show right in the facade of G4.  Cities in Metro Manila suffer major blackout due to the ATTACK OF THE JELLYFISH which jammed the water current in a power plant somewhere.

April 7, 2000–I took a day off from my MANPRA2 (OJT).  Mama, Dondon and I went to Glorietta and did some window shopping.  We ate dinner in CPK and I was able to get a rare E.U. release of Aretha Franklin’s Greatest Hits (1980-1994) from Tower Records.  At that time, Tower Records is famous for such rare finds…

April 7, 1999–A very busy and stressful day… I spent the entire morning taking my FINAMA2 Final Exam, the afternoon reviewing for COMLAW2 and the early evening taking such exam.  I did good though but I was so tired.  Mama fetched me from school around 8 p.m. and the traffic in the South Superhighway was so terrible.  To celebrate, we bought a pizza from Little Caesar’s in BF Homes.

April 7, 1998–My birthday fell on a Holy Week and good thing was I have no finals scheduled that day.  My high school friend, Paul, agreed that I give him a tour of DLSU and he will give me tour of his school, CRC-UA&P, sometime soon.  We went to Robinson’s Place that afternoon, ate merienda in Shakey’s and watched a real awful B-movie about dinosaurs.  I treated myself to a CD of Allure which contains the hit single "All Cried Out" featuring the R&B group 112. I went home before 6 pm as Mama and I heard mass in Miraculous Medal Shrine.

April 7, 1997–My first birthday as a highschool graduate.  I treated myself to a Lisa Stansfield CD I bought from Plaza Fair Makati.  At that time, MTV was so keen in playing her video, "The Real Thing", a catchy pop ditty.  Mama, Dondon and I waited for Papa that afternoon in Plaza Fair and we went to Glorietta in the evening and had my taste buds baptized to Friday’s!  It was my first time to see burgers that huge!  A real satisfying treat! I literally had to pause eating dinner because of the huge servings…

April 7, 1996–I woke up feeling sad and depressed.  It must be one of those adolescent mood swings when I feel as if the whole world is on my shoulders.  Some of my classmates called to greet me a happy birthday while I found solace listening to the soundtrack of "Waiting To Exhale", one of the biggest selling R&B albums of that time.  One of my favorites was Brandy’s "Sittin’ Up In My Room", an upbeat feel good song…  Nothing special on that day…

April 7, 1995–THE SUMMER BEFORE THE DREADED JUNIOR YEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL.  Mama and I drove all the way to Quezon City early in the morning to a faith healer, hoping that he/she would cure my sinusitis.  Papa came home early and we went to ATC to eat dinner in the newly-launched Kenny Rogers’ Roasters.  I was able to get a rare cassette tape of Michael McDonald’s Greatest Hits called Sweet Freedom from Odyssey.  Mama and I watched the last full show of Jim Carrey’s Dumb and Dumber, Dondon settled to play games in Glico’s while Papa kept an eye on him.  I really wanted the entire family to watch the movie together but my kid brother spoiled it…

April 7, 1994–I woke up with my hearing being impaired.  I felt so bad the entire day.  Later in the afternoon, Mama took me to the Batungbakal clinic in Makati to have my ear examined and I underwent irrigation, a process of ear cleaning. I can remember that I was so obsessed with long sleeves that I decided to wear one on that scorching summer day…I wanted to look "corporate".  In the evening, Mama, Dondon and I watched "Beethoven’s 2nd" in Greenbelt.  The movie was endearingly cute and funny.  I loved the theme song called "The Day I Fall In Love" which was performed by country singer Dolly Pa rton and one of my musical idols, James Ingram.  It sent me on a frenzy as I searched for a soundtrack album only to realize it in August 1999 when I was able to get a CD of James Ingram’s Greatest Hits…

April 7, 1993–I can remember nothing special on this day.  But I do remember my dad coming home early and brought home some Selecta Ice Cream and this was one of the rare birthdays which was under house arrest and the 8-hour brownouts. 

April 7, 1992–Turning a teenager…I celebrated my 13th birthday in Naga City.  I really wouldn’t even call it a celebration.  In early April (or was it late March???), my grandmother was rushed to the hospital and everyone in the family thought she was dying (it was really a blessing that God gave her 4 more years).  My mom was near broke from the expenses we incurred travelling but she managed to get me 2 pints of ice cream from a neighboring store as a birthday present that evening.  I can remember that one of the flavors was made by Magnolia’s Sorbetero.  When we went to my grandmother’s house, there were a lot of relatives.  While I was trying to open a pint of ice cream, it slipped my hand and the house dog tried licking it on the floor.  It attracted the visitors’ attention and made some unruly remarks.  Gosh, at that moment, I really wanted to go home…  We left Naga City more than a week later sometime in April 15.

Celebrating my birthday is a week-long event, at least, when I was a kid.  It takes a preparation too many, from logistics to finances, just to enjoy my special day of growing older.  I did have my own fair share of happy ones, broke ones, sad ones, and plain ones, but this year, I am hoping that it will be extra special.  Today, let me share with you the list of songs that were on top of the Billboard Hot 100 Singles chart on my special day.  As time moves forward, this list grows longer as I grow wiser…

2005–"Candy Shop" by 50 Cent featuring Olivia

2004–"Yeah!" by Usher featuring Lil Jon and Ludacris

2003–"In Da Club" by 50 Cent

2002–"Ain’t It Funny" by Jennifer Lopez featuring JaRule and Cadillac Tah

2001–"Butterfly" by Crazy Town

2000–"Maria Maria" by Santana featuring Product G&B

1999–"No Scrubs" by TLC

1998–"All My Life" by K-Ci & Jojo

1997–"Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down" by Puff Daddy featuring Mase

1996–"Because You Loved Me (Theme from Up Close & Personal)" by Celine Dion

1995–"Take A Bow" by Madonna

1994–"Bump N’ Grind" by R. Kelly

1993–"Informer" by Snow

1992–"Save The Best For Last" by Vanessa Williams

1991–"Coming Out of the Dark" by Gloria Estefan

1990–"Love Will Lead You Back" by Taylor Dayne

1989–"The Look" by Roxette

1988–"Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car" by Billy Ocean

1987–"Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now" by Starship

1986–"Rock Me Amadeus" by Falco

1985–"One More Night" by Phil Collins

1984–"Footloose" by Kenny Loggins

1983–"Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson

1982–"I Love Rock And Roll" by Joan Jett & The Blackhearts

1981–"Kiss On My List" by Daryl Hall & John Oates

1980–"Another Brick In The Wall Pt. II" by Pink Floyd

and I was welcomed into this world by…

1979–"I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor (you will never ever hear me sing this song…sweet Jesus!)

To all my family and friends, who have laughed with me, cried with me, celebrated with me, taught me, loved me, cherished me and cared for me throughout the years, I sincerely dedicate this song that topped the charts 10 years ago.  I sincerely thank you with all my heart and soul.  It is only now that I realized how powerful and meaningful these lyrics are.

Because You Loved Me  (Theme from Up Close & Personal) - Celine Dion

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I’ll be forever thankful baby
You’re the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You’re the one who saw me through through it all

I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

My 27th birthday is coming up soon.  I am not getting any younger but as I slowly bid my 20s goodbye as the years pass, I do miss how I eagerly anticipated my birthday when I was younger.  It was really fun while it lasted.  Though my birthday will neither conjure world peace nor economic stability (at least rollback gas prices) for the Pilipens, given below is my 27th Birthday Wishlist:

1. That I would wake up on the right side of the bed, wherever that is.
2. That I may have a nice sumptuous lunch/dinner wherever my two feet would lead me.  Any burger/pizza joint would do except: Jollibee, McDo, Wendy’s, and Pizza Hut.  Friday’s Banana Split Sundae sounds perfect for dessert. 
3. That I may free my mind of checking the remainder of my students’ final examinations they took the day before.  I know that I’m workaholic.
4. That wherever my family and I would go to celebrate, we would have a stress-free parking.
5. That I may have enough finances to buy the following for myself: Red Ribbon’s Blueberry Cheesecake/a cake from Conti’s, some feel-good VCDs from Tower Records (I have a gift card I have been saving since January and I have been eyeing the special boxed set DVD of Titanic), some new clothes, or a new pair of Nikes (the new blue Air Max 360 looks really nice, but who would ever pay P7000++ for a pair of shoes?!? Jesus!!!  Though I may have that kind of money, I ain’t willing to pay that amount!  So Nike could strike me off their target market).
6. That a good movie will be showing on my birthday and that we would get tickets on time and enjoy the movie a lot!  I am planning to see Tristan & Isolde with Mama and Don.
7. That someone may give me a boxed set of pirated DVDs of the first two seasons of Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman.  I saw one in Makati Cinema Square a few weeks ago.  P1000 for all 2 seasons sounded like a good offer from the saleslady.
8. That Tower Records would have my order ready: a CD of The Joshua Tree by U2.
9. That I would simply have a great, worry-free, stress-free day!!! And above all else…
10. That God would continue to bless me and my family: good health, long-life and financial stability not only on my 27th birthday but for years to come.

Feliz cumpleaños a mi!