ERIC’S SONGBOOK

Heavenly Father, I humbly thank thee for all the blessings I have received this past year.  Thank you for giving me the strength, courage and wisdom to overcome all the trials and pains.  Thank you Lord for the gift of family and friends.  I couldn’t have made it this far without their support.  This coming year Lord, I humbly ask to bless me, my family and friends with good health, unconditional love, uncompromising faith, unworldly happiness, spiritual contentment, and prosperity.  Please keep us safe from unkind hands.  Grant us the strength to overcome any trials.  Lord, I also pray for peace, not only for myself, but for the world.  This I ask, in the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ, our Lord, Amen.

The Prayer
Celine Dion & Andrea Bocelli

I pray you’ll be our eyes, and watch us where we go.
And help us to be wise in times when we don’t know.
Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way.
Lead us to a place, guide us with your grace
To a place where we’ll be safe.

Needs to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we’ll be safe
E la fede che hai acceso in noi
sento che ci salverai…..

In 1992, I was young and naive to the ways of the world.  I think the age of 13, for me, marked a time of transition from boyhood to adolescenthood, a period of awakening.  At that time, I turned to music for sanctuary.  It was also at that time when I realized that life is not a thornless bed of roses.  Despite all the harsh realities the world has to offer that I had to contend it, I was able to find hope through another Christmas song.  Thirteen years later, I still find truth in this song penned by Diane Warren (one of my musical idols) for Gloria Estefan’s Greatest Hits album also released that year (I can remember that I bought a cassette of this album from Landmark’s record bar for P90 as a Christmas gift for myself).

Till I had you I didn’t know
That I was missing out
Had to grow up and see the world
Through different shades of doubt
Give me one more chance to dream again
One more chance to feel again
Through your young heart
If only for one day let me try

I wanna see Christmas
I wanna see Christmas, I wanna see Christmas through your eyes
I wanna see, I wanna see Christmas
I wanna see, I wanna see Christmas
I wanna see Christmas through your eyes
I wanna see Christmas
I want to see Christmas
I wanna see Christmas through your eyes

Everytime December creeps in, I just can’t help myself but search my collection of CDs for some
Yuletide classics to spin throughout the month.  As years pass by, I find myself slightly mature than who I was a year before.  Okay, before I become too retrospective, I want to share with you one of my favorite Yuletide songs that ever came out of the pop era.  I first heard this when I was in 7th grade in 1992 and since then, Christmas would never ever be the same without me listening to this song.  Actually, I gave the CD a spin first thing this morning…

Grown-Up Christmas List
Amy Grant

Do you remember me
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies

[Chorus]

At this point, I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas.  May God bless you and your family always!!!

This time of the year in 2003, I had the privilege of watching Under The Tuscan Sun, an art film based on the novel of Frances Mayes, in ATC.  While most kids opted to watch Jeepers Creepers 2 (I bet a million bucks that these are kids from De La Salle-Zobel who just finished their Christmas Party), I took the road less traveled.  At first, I wasn’t expecting too much from the film but to my surprise, it was a delight to one’s senses from start to finish.  It has been a dream of mine to travel to Italy should time, finances and opportunity allow and the film rekindled this passion even more.  To my sheer satisfaction, the film eventually became one of my all time favorites.  The sights, the sounds and the food are a feast for one’s soul longing for that serenity in one’s domicile amidst all adversity and shortcomings in life. 

Aesthetically, our house is in no match with Mayes villa, the Bramasole, a 200-year old house.   Mayes has the upper hand.  Nonetheless, they share the same features.  Our house is also isolated and is surrounded by lots of plants and trees.  It is secluded from all the hustle and bustle of city life.  Our house is seated near a hill as well.  It is very cozy most especially in the wee hours of the morning this time of the year.  It just makes me yearn extra hours on bed sleeping or reading a good book while listening to some jazz music and enjoying a cup of coffee or hot chocolate.  And on summer days, the smell of fresh fallen leaves is also a delight.  The entrance to our village is undergoing some improvements as the investors capitalize on the view of Laguna Bay.  Instead of putting fancy restaurants like Figaro and Brothers’ Burgers near our place, I strongly suggest that they put up a National Bookstore, a Mercury Drug and a supermarket instead to serve the community better.

That’s why I make it a point to go home after work or the mall right away.  Staying at home is a therapy.  It is also one of the reasons why I am not really open to the idea of having a lot of visitors at home.  It somewhat violates the inner peace or tranquility of our place.  I am sociable and amicable person but "alone" time is something I hold precious as well at the convenience of my own home, a place where I can totally be myself…

One Place
Everything But The Girl

A summer evening; I walk past the window,
Baby’s crying; Someone’s cooking dinner;
There’s laughter on the TV
Someone’s learning the violin.
How at home, it heals
At times like this, I feel that…

So I get the map out (get the map out)
Yeah I get the map out (get the map out)
C’mon, get the map out (get the map out)
Get the map out (get the map out)

I had high hopes for King Kong.  To my utter dismay, it was one hyped and overrated movie.  There was nothing new, nothing spectacular but the effects.  After computing the final grades of my students in BUSORGA last Thursday, I rushed to SM Bicutan to catch the most convenient screening schedule.  The first hour was dragging.  Having munched on a Big Mac, I had to take forty winks to rest my weary mind while the movie dragged on and on (the "wild goose" chase on the island was a dose of caffeine though).  I honestly think I didnt get my P102 worth of enjoyment. 

After the film, I took some time to scan Odyssey for the latest releases.  And bingo! I found a copy of Cyndi Lauper’s new album, THE BODY ACOUSTIC. 
Sadly, it was the last copy.  Knowing my obsessive-compulsive behavior, I didn’t buy it.  I want the honors of taking it out of its plastic wrapping and baptizing it in my CD player.   So a few hours ago, I took the liberty of finding the same CD somewhere deep down south.  Odyssey Festival sold all of its copies already while Robinson’s Festival carries the last copy of the CD with cracks on the jewel case that irked me more.  Thus, the last stretch…I rushed to ATC hoping that Tower Records will be carrying the title but they don’t.  I really want to accomplish all 20 stamps on my Essential Card, I’m 5 short of getting a free gift certificate.  Luckily, Odyssey ATC has two copies in mint condition!  Imagine all the hassle I’ve been through just to get that CD!  I am a big fan of 80s music and to see one of the icons of that era rehash her best work as acoustic versions is truly a must-have and a must-listen.  The album boasts of collaborations with Shaggy, Sarah McLachlan, Ani DiFranco and more!  Among all the tracks in the album, I enjoyed listening to the perennial classics, Time After Time (this time, she performs it with Sarah McLachlan) and True Colors.   These two masterpieces have undergone several remakes in a short span of two decades.  As for the new tracks, her peformance of Above the Clouds, with Jeff Beck on guitars, holds a special place in my heart with its soulful lyrics.  If ever I would live to become a recording artist, I would like to render a version of it.  Hardly do I encounter a song that cuts through my heart and soul.  This one proves to be a perfect fit with all the things I am going through lately.  The lyrics, together with the impeccable arrangement of the accompaniment, is soothing beyond words. 

There are things in one’s childhood which are too difficult to leave behind.  True enough, Cyndi Lauper’s songs are just some of them.

Above The Clouds
Cyndi Lauper with Jeff Beck

There’s a place where the sun breaks through
And the wind bites cold and hard
Stings my ears and
Tears my eyes
When the day starts to shout out loud

When you walk above the clouds

The year is almost over.  At this point in time, I would like to give my final adieu to this year called 2005.  It has been a rollercoaster ride, and that is an understatement.  In a few days, I will start a new year, a life filled with new hopes and dreams.  A total clean slate.  Blemish-free. Spotless.  As early as now, I want to close this chapter.  I can’t wait to start a new one.

January

• The 3rd term of SY2004-05 marked my first term ever of having a full 12-unit load, an impossibility given this time of the year when I was still with the Mathematics Department.
• Dad underwent surgery in PGH in the hope of removing the tumor in the middle of January.  It was only then the doctor told us that the tumor metastasized to neighboring organs.  Despite this, he was given a gastrointestinal bypass to relieve him of his ulcer.

February

• Watched The Phantom of the Opera in ATC, Mom scolded me for making her fetch me knowing that Dad has no one to count on at home.
• I bought dad a walking cane to assist him in walking.
• I met my supposed future boss in the Interdisciplinary Business Studies Department.  I was given 2 COMCALC classes and 2 COMATH1 classes for the first term of SY2005-06.
• In the last Tuesday of February, Dad was rushed to the hospital for the last time.  He was diagnosed with hypoglycemia, a sign that his pancreas has started to fail.
• The weekend before Dad passed away, I bought Jennifer Lopez’s REBIRTH and watched Jim Carrey’s A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS.  If only I could have read the signs…  These are strange coincidences.

March

• On March 2, I rushed to the hospital after my 3:40-4:40 COMCALC class and I found my dad’s features has changed.  His face was thinner.  His body rejected all the intravenous liquids.
• I stayed in the hospital on March 3 the entire day with my dad.  I fed him and basically took care of his needs while mom handles the documents with the hospital, my dad’s employer, bank records, etc.  In the afternoon, I made the answer key to my COMCALC Quiz #4.  My dad, being curious, asked me what I was doing.  I didn’t know that he was trying to spark a conversation with me.  In the evening, before I went home, I passed by a video store and bought a VCD of Glenn Close’s REVERSAL OF FORTUNE.  Coincidentally, Glenn Close, in the movie also suffered hypoglycemia.  In the evening, I tutored a kid near our house.  Something told me not to sleep right away that night.  I ended up watching a DVD of HIDE AND SEEK.  My kid brother went home around 11 pm.
• The phone rang a little past 2 am of March 4.  Mama broke the news that dad has passed away.  I just can’t help it but cry.  I just didn’t read the signs.  Everything was happening so fast.  I woke my kid brother and broke the news too.  Suddenly, the house was blanketed by cold air.  So cold which was too strange for a day in March.  Our seamstress together with her husband fetched us to go to the hospital.  It was a busy day, I took care of the papers with the hospital and the city government.  I just didn’t know where the energy came from.  It was too draining and emotional for me.  It felt like my body wasn’t my own.  I had a hard time accepting that my dad was gone. 
• Dad was buried in March 8.
• Mom and I went to Naga City to spend the Holy Week with our relatives.  Weeks after the burial, I suffered from persistent headaches.

April

• The first summer without my dad
• April 7, 2005 marked my 26th Birthday. It was also the day of the COMCALC final exams.  Mom, Don and I went ot Rockwell and ate dinner at Burgoo.  I bought some CDs and some clothes as gifts for myself.  Mariah Carey’s THE EMANCPATION OF MIMI hits Philippine shores.  The album is 5 days ahead of its International release date.
• April 8 was BUSORGA Final Exam Day.
• April 9 was spent with my high school friends.  We ate at Don Henrico’s and watched SAHARA in G4 as a birthday blow-out.
• Proctored a COMATH2 class’ Final Exam on April 11.  After that, I watched GUESS WHO? in G4 and bought a THE FIVE PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN in Powerbooks.
• April 12 marked Dad’s 40th day.  The family heard mass and went to Manila Memorial Park.
• I watched THE RING 2 on April 13.
• Earned a contract to host the MISS MARIKINA PAGEANT
• April 25 was the 1st day of Summer classes.  I handled a COMATH2 and a BEHAORG class.  Aunt Rubi spent the night with us.  I ordered pizza for dinner.
• April 26 was Mama’s 57th Birthday!!!
• 50 Cent was MTV’s Artist of the Month
• Hosted the MISS MARIKINA PAGEANT in last Saturday of April.

May

• I watched KINGDOM OF HEAVEN on May 4, the day I received my first Summer Paycheck.
• I gave my finals in COMATH2 on May 17. I watched HOUSE OF WAX later that day.
• May 18 marked the finals in BEHAORG.  I distributed all Course Cards in the afternoon.
• Gwen Stefani’s HOLLABACK GIRL rules the Billboard Hot 100 Singles charts.
• I watched STAR WARS III: THE REVENGE OF THE SITH on May 21.   
• May 22 was the last day of Summer Vacation…THE MOST TIRING SUMMER OF MY LIFE… I WAS BATTLING COLDS AND FLU GIVEN THE SCORCHING WEATHER…
• I was retracted from the Interdisciplinary Business Studies Department.
• I was given 3 QUATECH classes and 1 COMATH1 class the week before classes started.  I was very hesitant at first, since I didn’t produce stellar results in QUATECH back in college and I’ll be preparing lessons in the last minute. 
• May 23 marked the 1st day of school. 
• I watched MADAGASCAR after classes in ATC on May 27.  The Black Eyed Peas’ MONKEY BUSINESS hits the local record stores.
• Miss Universe live from Bangkok, Thailand was broadcasted live on May 31.  My mom severed ties with my so-called talent manager on this day.

June

• Mariah Carey scores her 16th #1 single WE BELONG TOGETHER.  The said single will be perched on top of the Billboard singles chart the entire 1st term of SY2005-06…
• June 8 marked the opening of Mr. & Mrs. Smith.
• Mama and I watched BATMAN BEGINS on June 15.  I made sure that we got the best seats in town.  I bought LIFEHOUSE’S sophomore release which features the hit single YOU AND ME.
• WAR OF THE WORLDS invades Philippine theatres.  Shakira’s ORAL FIXATION VOL. 1 came with a free DVD.  I bought the CD right after the movie.
• I started my teaching stint with St. Scholastica’s College in the Entrepreneurship and Franchise Management Department on June 13.
• I was exhausted most of time due to juggling 2 to 3 jobs.  I was already planning to quit since my promotion papers are taking a long time to process.  I was dragging my feet to work everyday…

July

• HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE finds its way to the local bookstores.  I bought my copy on the very first day…
• Missy Elliott’s THE COOKBOOK gains popularity thanks to the hit single LOSE CONTROL.
• Exhaustion takes its toll.  Burn-out alert!  Tired beyond words……………..
• Movies and music (and bills to pay) serve as my motivating factor to get out of bed and go to work…
• Alanis Morissette’s JAGGED LITTLE PILL ACOUSTIC was finally released!  Morissette was one of my personal saviours.  I found solace and recluse in her music.

August

• More rain…
• Philosophically scarred…
• Work, work, work…
• Was about to throw the towel in…
• Promotion papers are taking too long…they’re put on hold…My rank in St. Scholastica’s College is higher than my rank in DLSU…(God is beginning to test my sense of patience and fairness).  Come to think of it, it was only my 1st sem of teaching in St. Scho…
• DLSU questioned my absence incurred last March 8…
• Memories of my dad’s last days creeped in…
• August 22 marked the Final Exam Day in QUATECH…
• Was put in HOT WATER with a senior faculty for returning Final Exam papers…
• (wanted to quit, quit, quit…but i gotta work, work, work to pay bills, bills, bills)…
• About to hit rock bottom…struggling…
• In the lighter side, I won tickets to the premiere of THE DUKES OF HAZZARD.  I won the soundtrack album too…FREE
• The Economics Department gave me an ECONONE class to teach (after 3-4 applications in the past)…
• Was given 2 PRODMAN classes and 2 BUSORGA classes for the next term…

September

• CITEM, a government agency, is waiting for my answer to be their employee in the Corporate Planning division…a toss between the government, DLSU and St. Scholastica’s…
• DLSU finally hires me full-time after 14 terms of service… just when I was about to quit…
• I was given 15 units of teaching for the 1st time (just when I was about to quit)!!!
• But my promotion as a part-timer is still on hold…
• Taught PRODMAN for the 1st time.  I was skeptic with regards to my abilities to execute and deliver the lesson proper expertly.
• Kanye West’s LATE REGISTRATION hits local record stores and spawns the hit single GOLD DIGGER.  I bought the CD on September 23.  On the same day, I watched THE CONSTANT GARDENER.

October

• Sheryl Crow’s WILDFLOWER
• Alicia Keys’ UNPLUGGED
• Ricky Martin’s LIFE
• Kenny G’s THE GREATEST HOLIDAY CLASSICS
• Nickelback’s ALL THE RIGHT REASONS
• My contract with St. Scholastica’s College lapsed and expired in mid-October.  I had to give the job up for DLSU.
• Paid my insurance premiums on October 21.
• The unwanted guests stopped showing up.  Thank you Lord…
• Long weekend…watched FLIGHTPLAN with Mama in ATC on Halloween…

November

• Our house’s garage, facade and backyard underwent repairs (and is still undergoing).
• Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire opened last November 16.  Mama and I went through 2 cinemas down south just to get good seats.
• November 15 was the release date of Madonna’s CONFESSIONS ON A DANCE FLOOR.  I bought the CD in Tower Records before going to school…
• November 17 marked my 13th month pay.  I gave a significant chunk of it to my mom and kid brother.  Share one’s blessings, I always say.
• Severed ties with a "friend".
• Caught an afternoon screening of PRIME in Glorietta with a highschool friend on November 23 to do some catching up
• The month I overspent on CDs, to wit
  • 50 Cent’s THE MASSACRE (Special Edition)
  • Santana’s ALL THAT I AM
  • Madonna’s CONFESSIONS ON A DANCE FLOOR
  • Kelly Clarkson’s BREAKAWAY(Repackaged)
  • Eurythmics’ ULTIMATE COLLECTION
  • Mariah Carey’s THE EMANCIPATION OF MIMI (Ultra Platinum Edition)
  • Destiny’s Child’s #1s
  • NSync’s GREATEST HITS
  • Alanis Morisette’s THE COLLECTION
    • and a handful of VCDs and DVDs… I always go to Tower Records after work to unwind…almost every other day… it was fun to fish out CDs all by myself…a form of cleansing and therapy…

Tomorrow will be a day off from work.  Thank you Lord.  In a nutshell, my professional life is practically drowned with papers for the past few weeks.  It is a mystery how I was able to get that energy to check all those papers and compute the prefinal grades of almost 200 students.  I just keep wishing that the 2nd Term is over.  Come next week, I have 200 Final Grades to compute and I just can’t wait for the afternoon of December 20 to come so that I am free of my responsibilities in school.  Come next term, I am slated to have another bunch of 200 students in my 5 QUATECH classes.  I really don’t know why students are enrolling in my classes given the fact that there are other more competent and seasoned teachers than me handling the same subject.  Though I need not worry myself with that now, I’ll just cross the bridge when I get there.  At least, that will be a test of my classroom managerial skills.  I have to devise and employ an efficient system in checking papers, administering quizzes and delivering lessons.  This calls for Operation: Methods Improvement, a part of my academic life evolution.  And besides, it is good to know that I still have a job waiting for me.  That means DLSU is still interested in my services, a situation that is quite ironic compared to that of a couple of years back.  In January 2004, I literally had to "sell" myself to other departments just to have teaching loads.  You wouldn’t believe this but I have serviced 4 deparments in a span of 5 schoolyears.  After giving teaching demos to other departments, I was dismissed right away just like that.  Unfortunately, I landed only with 3 units, which is 1 ALGE101 class.  My mind was racing, how could I finance my graduate studies teaching only 1 class as Lecturer 1 and I will be graduating in a few months’ time.  On top of that, my pension plan’s premiums are due the next month. My dad, at that time too, was already showing signs of failing health.  We thought it was just a simple ulcer.  It was only later that year when we learned that it was an outward sign of lymphoma, which manifested itself as a gastrointestinal tumor.  It was a good thing I had tutorials to keep my afloat.  Believe me, I even applied in the English language Department as an ENGLONE teacher.  Third term teaching load always was a big problem for me back then.  One thing I have learned from that experience is RESOURCEFULNESS.  When it rains, it pours.  Sometimes, God gives us the strength to carry on with our lives no matter how uncertain the future looks.  To be honest, there are times that I even doubt his existence, but given the fact that I am still alive and well makes all the difference. 

Right now, my life is just going smoothly.  It may not be perfect but it is fine.  And I am planning to keep it that way for a long, long time.  As long as I’m alive and kicking, I will do my best to overcome any pressure, and adversary, any shortcoming.  There is always enough room to grow–spiritually, emotionally and intellectually.  David Bowie & Queen say it best…

Under Pressure
David Bowie & Queen

Um boom ba bay

Um boom ba bay
Um Um boom ba bay bay

This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under Pressure
Under Pressure
Pressure

It is a shame that there are always out there trying to get the best out of you for their own advantage.  I have always been a good judge of character but I think my judgment sensors are no longer that reliable.  For the past few days, I learned not to let people waltz in my life as if it were a game to play.  And for the past 26 years, I learned to lean only on myself for help and not on others.  It is really a shame that people out there trying to live their lives as if it were some cheesy, romantic comedy.  At least, I know how to separate illusions from realities.  In my profession, I try to be as objective as possible.  Human emotions tend to cloud the rational human mind despite the fact that there is a fine line that divides the two.  This coming year, I would like to have a fresh start.  I need to relieve myself of pretentious acquaintances who pretend to know (and even "love" me).  Silly, silly, silly.  My life is no bed of roses but believe me, I am trying so hard to make it better day by day.  Just when things are getting fine, these acquaintances just dump their emotional garbage on me.  The world is truly getting crazy by the day.  I always tell myself that it is easier to trust oneself than others.  At least, when you fail yourself, the frustration is easier to accept than having let others impose the same on you. 

On the lighter side, I simply can’t wait till December 20, the last day of the term.  I really need a vacation.  I need some time to spend with my family and to have fun.  At this point in time, I thank the Lord for all the blessings that I have been receiving and for giving me the strength to always move forward and make the necessary improvements along the way.

That I Would Be Good
Alanis Morissette

that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good
whether with or without you