ERIC’S SONGBOOK

Yesterday, my mom and I caught the 4:30 pm screening of Flightplan in Alabang Town Center.  Being a big Jodie Foster fan myself, I was totally glued all the time to the movie.  I am fond of psychological thrillers, thanks to her Academy Award winning role as Clarice Starling in the 1991 box-office hit The Silence of the Lambs.  In Foster’s latest opus, she plays a near-convincing deranged mom claiming that her daughter is lost inside the airplane she engineered while airplane staff refute her daughter’s presence.  All the while, she is targetted as a ploy for a terrorist attack.  I strongly give the twist of the plot a big A-.  Trust me, this movie was worth my hard earned P100.

Yesterday was also the release date of Santana’s latest opus, All That I Am.  However, the CD is nowhere to be found yet.  I just can’t get the melody of his collaboration with Michelle Branch, I’m Feeling You, out of my head.  In my honest opinion, this single is sunnier than their 2002 outing The Game of Love from Shaman.  I can also remember that Santana’ smash hit Smooth, featuring Rob Thomas, from Supernatural was also released this time of the year in 1999. 

Slightly frustrated, I settled for Kenny G’s The Greatest Holiday Classics instead.  This CD is a compilation of Kenny G’s rendition of Christmas classics and some original compositions as well.  I also browsed through some books in Powerbooks and I got a copy of Paulo Coelho’s By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept.  I enjoyed reading the Brazilian author’s The Alchemist so much that I felt like a child again.  As for my mom, I bought her a new hot iron and a can-opener from Rustan’s.  I hope that this paperback would live up to my expectations.  There’s nothing like a lazy day, a cup of coffee, a warm fuzzy bed and a good book.  Simple indulgences. 

A picture is indeed worth a thousand words.  All it takes is just a look and these memories flash instantly.  Photographs are just snippets of eternity–a moment preserved despite time’s hurriedness to move forward.  It is true that time knows no master.  How great it is to be free!  To know no master!  I wish I could say the same thing to myself.  Or at least, experience such thing. 

My kid brother just bought a scanner for the PC and I am already fond of this gadget.  I began scanning these photographs that just lie oddly in my photoalbum.  I even uploaded some of them in my Friendster account.  All these faces, all these places, all these memories.  I would love to be in soul-searching mode always, if only I had the luxury of time.  With the help of these photographs, I tend to pause, sit still, and contemplate on how I have spend 26 years of my life on this planet.  I am no rock star, I am no politician, I am no basketball player.  I am just a schoolteacher.  I have no ambition of becoming powerful and influential.  I just leave these to my ego and his dreams at night.  Among all these, despite my mediocrity and lack of cacophonious fanfare, I try to appreciate the things I am blessed with.  The company of family and friends is indeed a marvelous gift. 

Yesterday afternoon, after my medical examination in Fortune Care Manila, I went to Robinson’s Galleria to pay my insurance premiums with Prudential Life.  I passed by SM Megamall and I chanced upon Nickelback’s latest opus, All The Right Reasons.  The said album features the hit song Photograph.  The song tells the same story, on how a simple photograph brings memories back to life.  It would be really great if only I can take a picture of time all my life, every second of everyday, of every year. 

Photograph
Nickelback

Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red
And what the hell is on Joey’s head

Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
Everytime I do it makes me

Being an avid moviegoer and movie collector, I just can’t help myself but be fascinated with the lives of some characters in a handful of films that really kind of stayed with me. Though some are really ridiculously impossible, they really give me a reason to go to sleep at night and dream of my other "lives" given a chance to live my life that way.  So I am disillusioned and frustrated, but who cares?  Let me share with you some of my fantasy lives…

1.)  I wanna be like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman.  I wanna date Julia Roberts and drive down Hollywood Hills in a sleek black limousine with my stereo playing Go West’s King of Wishful Thinking.  The first 7 minutes of the movie made such a big impact on me that I just can’t get it out of my head!  Pretty Woman also catapults me to the memories of the early 90s-a time in my life tainted with dreams of Family Computer Games,  limitless cassette tapes, and Makati Commercial Center.  I was too young to understand the movie’s plot at that time when it was shown in 1990, but watching it again now made me see it in a different light, something that only old age can bring–not everything in this world can be bought with money. 

2.)  I wanna be the rich corporate executive/spoiled younger brother/good for nothing but a pretty face character played by Hugh Grant in Two Weeks Notice.  I admit, in real life I want to be rich. (my parents would ask me, why go into teaching if you want to make your first million ASAP?!?) I have this tendency to be selfish, believe me.  I fend for myself most of the time.  But what makes this movie click is its charm and wit.  Grant, who practically squanders most of the earnings of his family corporation is a indeed a character to die for–throws parties with Norah Jones, expensive divorces, lunches at fancy restaurants, and more.  I don’t get to have much luxuries in life and this movie somewhat offered that concept to me. Still, this movie is pure good time! 

3.)  Speaking of rich characters, let me add to that list Michael Douglas’ role in the psychological-thriller The Game.  I guess this character is almost a duplicate of my personality.  Too formal, too constricted, too structured, too ambitious, too serious (though my writing style doesn’t show it).  I can empathize and identify myself with this character since he lives a solitary life.  Truth be told, I am more of an introvert, a loner to be specific.   In fact, my house is in no contest with his mansion, but both share a striking quality: it is isolated from the bustling city and is located in the suburbs.  But God, I do like that fountain, if only I had a driveway.  But one thing’s for sure, I do not want to have the gift his brother gave him that made his life hell.  Heck, I’m happy teaching and simply to go home after a hard day’s work.  I do not want to see a doll lying in my garage and eventually dragging me to a maze of mystery.  Furthermore, I have no dreams of becoming a corporate asshole.  In summary, I just don’t want my brother to enroll me in Consumer Recreation Services.  I buy my own birthday gifts.  Thank you. 

4.)  I am definitely not insane but I would like to live Hannibal Lecter’s life in Hannibal, the sequel to The Silence of the Lambs.  Dr. Lecter in disguise lives a life in retirement in Italy as Dr. Fell, until an FBI agent exposed his true identity.  What made me like his life is his passion for the arts and in addition to that, I would really love to reside in Italy.  Given a sufficient retirement pay, I would like to travel to Italy and see the rest of Europe.  Trust me, I have no ambition of becoming a serial killer. But you really gotta admire his genius though! Why is it that geniuses have the tendency to cross the thin red line?!?

5.)  Being a teacher for five schoolyears now, I was deeply influenced by Robin Williams‘ character in Dead Poets Society.  In this film, Williams was able to effectively impart his lessons on Literature using non-traditional methods of teaching, something that I try to employ in my boring Math subjects to give it a spark of life.  Though most of his students are fond of Williams, his own alma mater and employer were not delighted (which also mirrors the dilemma Julia Roberts faced while working as an Art teacher in Mona Lisa Smile in an all-girls exclusive school in the mid-20th century) by his non-conformity to the traditional methods, thus costing him his job.  I wonder if DLSU will also put me in hotter water because of corny one-liners in class?!?  Thank God I’m not a Literature teacher.  I see to it that I give my all everytime I deliver a lesson.  But nonetheless, seeking greener pastures out of my alma mater is always an option.  No one is indispensable.  Even owners of the largest and most powerful corporations on earth are being bought out of ownership. 

Technically, I’m an obsessive-compulsive person.  Stoic at best.  I’m basically obsessed with the pecking order of things.  I guess this is what I get after teaching Mathematics for five schoolyears now.  My psychological exam shows that I am a left-brained person (do some of these online exams really validate these traits?!?  Remarkable!)  I have a way of seeing abstract things and their structure.  It actually surprised me cause I know that I am more inclined to the performing arts.  I hated Math back in elementary but I was able to unearth my uncanny skills with numbers come Freshman year in highschool.  I enjoyed Algebra a lot!  Math time was playtime!  At the end of the schoolyear, I am one of those guys who would get exempted in the 4th Quarterly Exams in Math (though we were around 2 or 3 students only).  It was like reaching an intellectual orgasm beyond words.  It fed my ego! 

Going back, not only do I check the Billboard Hot 100 every week to keep in my archives but I have this way of attaching memories to songs. I feel bad everytime I only have 5 songs in the Top 10 of the Billboard chart.  Sometimes, I can even smell the season a song brings to my life.  My passion for music is not to be overlooked too.  I have this tendency to go out of my way just to get my hands on a CD first on its actual release date.  Heck, in Halloween weekend of 2001, the saleslady was just unloading the Michael Jackson’s Invincible album and I simply grabbed the first copy that caught my eye.  Just a while ago, I was feasting my auditory senses on Alicia Keys’ Unplugged and Ricky Martin’s Life albums which I bought from SM Harrison Plaza despite my short break after my 1:00-2:30 BUSORGA class.  Surprisingly, these albums are not yet available in Odyssey.  I was also planning to throw in Maroon 5′s Live album which came with a DVD but I really didn’t want to overspend.  Payday is 12 days away.  Knowing that these albums are supposed to hit the shelves last Monday, I am already armed with my financial artillery to acquire them.  Heck, I am waiting for Santana’s All That I Am album due on November 1 and Madonna’s Confessions on a Dance Floor and the Repackaged album of Mariah Carey’s The Emancipation of Mimi both out on November 15.  Call me ridiculous, but I keep 2 copies of Mariah’s latest CD:  one for my room and one for the car.  I guess that song We Belong Together was the culprit for draining my pocket.  I bought my first copy of that album on my birthday, April 7 this year in O in Rockwell as a birthday gift for myself (but at that night I had 120 COMCALC final exams to check, grrrr!). The latest single to be culled from this album is the smooth groove, Don’t Forget About Us, which is also done in the same fashion as We Belong Together.   I am proud to say that I don’t keep pirated CDs in my collection. But those pirated DVDs in BFs Ruins are really tempting.  For P80 a piece, I was able to get TLC’s Now & Forever The Video Hits, Sheryl Crow’s The Very Best of Sheryl Crow: The Videos, and a lot more.  But one pirated DVD I really treasure is the Michael Douglas-Sharon Stone flick Basic Instinct, a film I failed to watch 13 years ago cause I was too young to shatter my sensibilities.  Buying this DVD was against my will but since the local video shops do not carry this title even in VCD format, I might as well take the risk.  I did take the risk and boy, this movie is really disturbing.  By the way,  I disposed my only pirated audio CD 4 years ago.  They are totally not worth it.  It ruins the aesthetic quality of my collection. 

Ever since 7th grade, I always allot money to buy a cassette/CD.  At P90 a cassette, it was an expensive hobby to start at such an age, thus, I promised myself that when I get older, I would work hard to buy me the things I want.  Mama would even scold me if I skip meals in school so that I could buy a cassette in ATC’s Pop Station.  My parents always encouraged  me to save for a rainy day.  I guess, I still carry that with me up to now. 

Right now, I am mustering my funds for Batman Begins and Star Wars III:  The Revenge of the Sith in original VCDs.  Heck, obsessive-compulsive or not, music and movies feed my weary soul beyond words.  It gives me a sense of achievement.  It gives me something to look forward to almost everyday of my life…

Mama and I went to Festival Supermall last night to buy some groceries in Save More Supermarket.  I really find it funny to see a mall have two supermarkets-one operated by Rustan’s and the other by Shoemart.  And neither firm owns the mall! I never really thought that groceries would eat a chunk of my budget, which excludes utilities expenses at home.  I even bought a whole Combo Pizza from PriceSmart before we bought groceries.  God, that is the best pizza in the world! 

Frankly speaking, I get irked sometimes that we get a handful of guests in one week, and they really feast on us.  I am pissed cause I’m the one whose paying the bills and I tend to eat small portions of a meal!!!  So unfair!!!  The breadwinner is the dinnerloser.  I even skip meals sometimes!  One night I went home only to find that these two regular unwanted guests feasting!  Ako, pagod sa trabaho, di na lang kumain!  One morning, I woke up only to find myself cleaning the unflushed shit by our guests in the toilet bowl.  And to think I haven’t even washed my face yet, and this goo of splattered shit stares at you and the aweful stench of it really reeks!  Fuck! That really made my week!  Jesus, itong mga bisitang ito di na nahiya!  Halos sa bawat linggo na ginawa ng Diyos, nandito.  Di pa iligpit ang tinulugan. Nakita naman na wala kaming katulong sa bahay! They eat your food, they use the water, they use the lights and the phone, I clean their shit, I pay the bills!!!  Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!  Punyeta talaga! Hay buhay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  They even smoke inside the house, and I clean their ashtrays, I wash their fucking dishes!!!  Anak ng putcha talaga!!!  I sacrifice a lot of my time, energy, and career just to feed other people whom I don’t even know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  What’s the point????  I really don’t understand.  Life just doesn’t make sense!!!!  I’m really a hospitable person in real life but this is one BIG EXCEPTION.  I’m running out of instant coffee and I’m living in a society which forbids you to get mad even though you have every right to be, yet it is okay to get scolded and embarassed by everyone else….

To make things worse, the mp3 player I’ve been eyeing for weeks now has been sold already!  Kainis talaga!  90% of things I’ve always wanted come to me when I don’t have an iota of interest anymore.  Think of it, same batting average holds true to my career, life, and propensity to gain material things.  Bwisit talaga!  Buti na lang I was able to get hold of Sheryl Crow’s Wildflower album last night.  A Crow saved my week.   I saw some copies on display in Odyssey Festival  and I bought one without thinking twice.  The hit single Good is Good, is really something I wish for myself right now.  In this 12-track CD, my favorite is the subtle Always On Your Side.  Sheryl Crow has shown signs of emotional maturity in this opus.  To cheer me up, I also got a VCD of Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo from Robinson’s Department Store.  I was full of frustration that I think I couldn’t stand watching an action movie nor psychological-thriller as of the moment.  Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……

Life is just another winding road.  These visitors made me take several unexpected turns.  Sheryl Crow says it best in her classic hit…

Everyday Is A Winding Road
Sheryl Crow

I hitched a ride with a vending machine repair man
He says he’s been down this road more than twice
He was high on intellectualism
I’ve never been there but the brochure looks nice
Jump in, let’s go
Lay back, enjoy the show
Everybody gets high, everybody gets low,
These are the days when anything goes

Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine